How to Approach a Medical Appointment as a Support Person

How to Approach a Medical Appointment as a Support Person

 You’ll find your own unique way through an appointment but the below are a few ways we prepped for our appointments together that helped us navigate them with as much kindness and love as possible. 

FIRST STEP – Talk together 

Sit down together after the appointment has been set - put aside some time to do just this and nothing else.

Discuss all the emotions you’re both feeling. All you’re hoping and wishing for. And all the worries and concerns.

It’s okay to be scared. It is scary. There’s no point ignoring that feeling or trying to ‘push through it’ with a brave face.

And it’s okay to feel hopeful… even when that may seem naïve.

 The key is, it’s okay to feel. Feel it all. You don’t need answers to these feelings, or ways to ‘solve them’. You just need to listen. 

Talk it through, then move on with your day. 

 Get on with the day-to-day by staying active together - go for a walk, meet up with friends and family, eat good food and recharge your battery… these moments of joy are what power you up for the appointment itself. 

SECOND STEP – The Appointment & The Overflowing Prep Bag of Joy

The appointment is all about prep. Figure out where you’re going to park beforehand. Get your route sorted. Time off work, babysitting… all those things affected by the appointment. Have them sorted well ahead of time.

Because you want to be on time. Being late to these things is not great. Especially if you get bumped to another day or time. Which means more waiting, more anxiety.

Minimise all stress that you just don’t need with some simple planning ahead.

Getting your prep bag/s together and organised is the best. It not only gave us something to focus on, but a way we could squeeze in some joy.

There’s going to be a wait… a long wait quite often. A lot of sitting, in not the nicest of environments where it’s very easy for it all to get on top of everyone.

You’re going to need practical stuff

-       Good headphones

-       Book/magazine

-       Snacks and drink / water bottle  (Just a reminder that a reception area in summer isn’t the best place to be for several hours. A small chilly bag will become your favourite accessory) 

-       Phone charger

-      Blank Notebook / Journal and pen for taking notes, or your phone to type them out. (A good support person always take notes when the doctor or nurses are relaying facts, it’s impossible in such an emotionally charged moment to remember this stuff later)

But you’re also going to want joyful stuff

-       Cosy blanket of your own (they have blankets there that make you feel like a patient, definitely bring your own)

-       A nice pillowcase

-       Nice hand lotions, lip balms… anything that smells delightful that can take your mind off of ‘hospital smell’.

But I’d say the best thing to bring is good chat.*

Keep it fun and light and ridiculous and not at all about anything you’re doing at that moment.

Particularly if it’s a long treatment like chemo, being there to talk is the most invaluable thing of all. Gossip, bitch about workmates, make plans, rant about good tv you’ve seen, talk shit… all of these conversations you have will make this experience all the more brighter… because it’s you with them.

Irrespective of the setting - this is a time for you to grow closer together.

*(but also, sometimes they just want you to shut up and hold their hand while they listen to a podcast)

STEP THREE – After the Appointment (Planning and recharging) 

There’s always a way forward. This is where HOPE comes in. No matter what’s happening, there is always hope. Even when things are at their most dire, you still have this day in front of you right now to make the most of.

There can often be a lot of information from the doctors/nurses and a lot of it is not always positive. You’re getting hard facts without a lot of pleasant spin.

When you’re back home, set aside some time to digest what’s been said. Go through the notes you took.  And what steps you can implement to move forward. Some of which might be based on what the doctor has advised, but others can be based on your own research. (see blog on doing your own research).  

It could be a readjustment of diet. Organising new pills (get yourself a pretty pill organiser, this goes with you everywhere), setting new appointments for treatment…

MAKE THE GAME PLAN.

WRITE IT DOWN.

PUT ALL YOUR APPOINTMENTS AND NEW SCHEDULE INTO YOUR PHONE’S CALENDAR….

And then forget it (as best you can). Move on (as best you can).

Because it’s time to have fun again. Time to recharge.

Spoil yourselves rotten. Whatever it is you like best… do that.

Jimmy lives in Auckland and writes from his own lived experience as a support person to his partner who passed away from secondary Breast Cancer in 2022.

He is not qualified or certified in any way to talk about this stuff, it’s just his opinion on what worked in their relationship, and how they navigated the varied complexities of a cancer diagnosis and treatment together. Please always seek professional help if you need further advice.